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Submitted by Alondra from Santiago Chile
Date: Tue Jul 17 23:25:43 2001
I don't have the perfect words of support to give you, but instead I want to share my little experience with you. God wouldn't allow me to ignore this situation, probably 'cause I feel that is part of my karma. 'Why?! you could ask, and it's simple.
Two years ago, in 1999, my life suddenly stopped; in an accident I hit my head and I started to fail in school. This could seem trivial, but in my case the school was ME, I didn't exist outside my classes and my books. And when this happenned I broke in thousands of pieces. I cried every night, didn't sleep, I began to eat like a horse... I was depressed.
One morning I felt that dangerous sensation of 'I don't belong to this world' , the definitive one; I swallowed a box of pills. My father took me to the hospital but I can't remember anything but the white bed and a needle in my arm. I think that in that moment I realized of all that was going on inside of me. I forgot that the best part of falling is raising, I've been trying to fill a hole that I invented myself! I forgot that, no matter what the problem is, I OWNED THE PROBLEM and not the opposite way.
And you know who made me woke up every day???
Are you familiar with the lines:
DON'T WANNA LOSE YOU NOW
I KNOW WE CAN MAKE THIS ?????
Yep. That's why it's my karma. Even now I cry when I hear that song. (It's true!)
I can say that I Love you because you were my company in that dark nights when the worst thoughts crossed my mind, and just singing, created the faith and the hope that I needed. Thank you forever, 'cause after the fall that I experienced, I can say that I'm truly happy. It was the best thing that could ever happened to me.
My only wishes are that you find that one sparkle that transform everything in peace and knowledge. I'm a living testimony of the calm after the storm, and I can promise you that is real.
I'm always thinking of you and sending my best feelings & my energy...
Alondra.
By the way... sorry about my bad english!
Submitted by Santana from winchester va USA
Date: Tue Jul 17 23:15:18 2001
hey aj - i know that u probably wont read this but i think that it is really cool that u are actually normal and have normal people problems - im sick of the fake BSB - i dont really even like them - i only like u and thats because we have something in common - its cool that you are getting help as well and i hope it works for you - but i just hope that u stay real and true to yourself - and i also hope that you are changing for you - and not anyone else - im sayin - just be you and dont worry about what other people think - i say if u wanna drink, drink - or do anything else you want to - as long as u know when to draw the line its all gravy baby - lots a love to ya - santana
Submitted by Paulina from Ciudad de México Mexico
Date: Tue Jul 17 22:39:39 2001
My love:
Hello!I hope you are better.... you know? i'd like to tell you so many things, but you don't know me...I just can do it by means of this e- mail and i dont know if you will read this , but i hope that you do, in these moments i wanna say you something very important: GOD IS WITH YOU, never forget it, I hope you take this problem like a proof that He put you to make you stronger and so that you can be the example of thousands adolescents that pull down their life in the alcohol, and when overcoming it your you can help a lot of people with your experience, I've always thought that you are somebody worthy of admiration and I hope right now you won't defraud us, we all trust you cause we love you a lot and we love to see u happy, singing and smiling as always, not for be somebody extremely famous everytime u must be smiling , you are a human and I understand that you have depressions, everyone has them and for that reason and many others you are somebody very special u can fight with your problems and not to give them the back. I trust you!!! I love you so much!!! P.S. the concert in Mexico was incredible!!!
I love you and I hope you get over soon!!!
Care yourself!!!!
With love
paulina_arevir@hotmail.com
Submitted by steph from colonial bch. va USA
Date: Tue Jul 17 21:51:23 2001
Dear Aj,
im am your biggest fan! i saw you guys in Nissan Pavillion last month june 15th. everynight i pray to saint jude and mother mary praying and hoping you will get well very soon. also your family and your friends the fans and nick,howie kevin,and brian.all of you guys are in my prayers.when i heard the news my sister and i were in tears. its so hard to see you in a case like this.i am sure its hard on the guys of the group.i just wanted to put this email on this site to show you that i care and so does everyone else.we love you AJ!!!!!!!! love foever
Submitted by Ashley from Florida USA
Date: Tue Jul 17 21:18:40 2001
hey aj. im sorry i didnt write yesterday, it was a really long day. my site has gotten 56 hits tho, and hey that's pretty good 4 bein open only a few days with no advertisement. ok, lately my letterz have all been kinda short and not so sincere so im going 2 express myself in this 1, and state my opinion. im seriously getting really mad bout all the rumors and stuff. 2day some1 told me the bsb were breaking up, which i kno is so not tru. not only that, but on tv 2day they were saying some unnecessary stuff. i dont c how every1 can make fun of a serious situation like this. i'd like 2 c them put in aj'z shoez. 1 of the main factors i think is jealousy. 2day on a tv show, some1 said "instead of calling aj an alcoholic, call him dead." that totally set me off. i walked thru the house slamming doors because no1 has ne idea how tuff a time this is. we all love u aj, we love nick n kevin n brian n howie 2. ppl who make fun of what you're going thru have no heart. i just wanna say 1 thang 2 all the haterz out there who think that by coming on here n dissing the bsb n saying that aj has no reason 2 be depressed and stuff is kewl - get a life! jeez, 2 come on n diss some1 who's loved by millions of ppl in the world, just 4 being depressed is so not right. every1 goez thru depression, and just because a celebrity'z going thru it that's no reason 2 get all mouthy and stuff. celebritiez have feelingz 2, believe it or not. they're regular ppl just like us, and yall have no right 2 be saying stuff like that. and the bsb r NOT BREAKING UP!! SO STOP TRYING 2 SPREAD RUMORS AND MAKE THE SITUATION WORSE!! IF YOU'RE NOT A BSB FAN, LEAVE IT AT THAT U DONT NEED 2 COME ON HERE AND PUT THOSE WHO R FANS IN A BAD MOOD!! WE DONT APPRECIATE IT!! o ya, and 1 more thang. im not an nsync fan, in fact i really dont like them. they bug me. but i totally respect them 4 supporting aj. i have 2 say thanx, they're helping out a lot. aj, i love u. i believe in u and i kno u can make it thru this. ignore the 1'z who say u cant. u can do nethang u want 2, and i kno u want 2 become a better person, bcuz u made this decision yourself. u will make it thru this. u WILL. we all have faith in u. my screen-name 4 instant messenger is still *AJz*GuArDiAn*AnGeL* just like i promised, and i truly believe our prayerz are working. god bless u aj. god bless u and kevin, howie, brian, and nick. we all love u. ktbspa!!
Submitted by Romi & Mary from Caracas Venezuela
Date: Tue Jul 17 20:55:15 2001
STOOOOOOPPPP!!!! VENEZUELA IS HERE!!!!!Hey Hey AJ!!!! What's up man!!?? A letter is a letter but this is....you have no idea.... the diary of the backstreet fans....=) ahahahaha!!! ( and that's true you have no idea who are we but still we feel you close). We are writting you 'cause we don't want to lose you now and we love you more than that (specially Mary, she sang you EVERYTHING on the tape from Caracas- Venezuela, do u remember, don't ya??? naahhh!! Sure you do =) ha! We want to talk to you soul to soul: " Imagine that suddenly you are dreaming , some voice wakes you up and says: THIS IS THE BEST OF YOUR LIFE SO, COME ON BOY, SMILE!!!! You just open your eyes and see a new world, a whole new place where you can take a sit, relax and be yourself, where you can think that angels are everywhere protecting you. Just think about your Grandma in heaven, looking at you and how proud she will be if you take the corage to get through this and win this war. She'd be smiling at you. Everything is gonna be OK. Remember that spiritual things are the ones that last, the love for the people that cares about you, the smiles that you have seen around the planet. THE SIMPLE LOVE THAT IS EXPRESSED IN EVERY LITTLE THING ON OUR CRYSTAL WORLD. =) BE HAPPY!!!!!! Keep smiling we love your smile!!
BIG KISS, BIG HUG, AND A BIG PRAYER TO KEEP STANDING UP A BIG BONE!!!! WE ADORE YOU!!! TRUST IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIFT!!
Bye bye Mary Carmen Paz
E-mail: mpaz@une.edu.ve Romina Retamal
E-mail: Romi_777@hotmail.com
P.S: TE AMAMOS!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Sharon from East Haven CT USA
Date: Tue Jul 17 20:47:53 2001
Dear AJ,
This letter may sound a little more mature that the rest, but that is because I am 37 yrs old, alittle older than your "usual" fan. I also have depression, that I have beening dealing with for the past 10 yrs. Everyone can send you their thought and prayers and best wishes, and TRULY mean it, but it's hard to understand how you are feeling. It is a feeling that is empty and dark and you are desperate to replace it with any other feeling. It has to be especially hard to be on your schedule with little down time. Everyone deals the best they can, but there are times you need extra help. As much as I love BSB, and I DO, there will always be another concert or tour, but you NEED to take time for yourself, heal and mend. You do and give up
a lot for your profession, now you need some "AJ" time. You deserve and need it. Hang in buddy, it WILL get better, I promise! Get through today, it will still be a struggle, but it will get better. Time and LOVE and support are the best medicines. I wish you love and are in my prayers. My thoughts are with you.
Submitted by Diana from Ottawa ON Canada
Date: Tue Jul 17 20:46:17 2001
A.J., I read this and it made me think of you and what you're going through just remember:"it is not the critic who counts;
not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled
or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.
The credit belongs to the man
who is actually in the arena,
whose face is marred with dust and sweat and blood;
who strives valiantly;
who errs and comes short again and again;
who knows great enthusiasms,
the great devotions;
who spends himself in a worthy cause;
who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement,
and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while
DARING GREATLY
so that his place shall never be
with those timid souls
who know neither victory nor defeat."
-Theodore Roosevelt Stay strong, best wishes, Diana Christine :)
Submitted by Jenn from Buzzards Bay Mass USA
Date: Tue Jul 17 20:44:05 2001
AJ just wanted to say hope u feel better, We miss u, and we will always love you.
Submitted by Danielle from Oshawa Ontario Canada
Date: Tue Jul 17 20:38:28 2001
Dear AJ,my prayers r with u and hope you get well soon
love always Danielle
Submitted by Paula from Guadalajara Jalisco Mexico
Date: Tue Jul 17 20:19:29 2001
A.J, I don´t know how are you feeling right now. I only know that I will pray ´cause I need you get well. I miss your smile and I miss your voice. I miss all about you. I´m sure you are doing the best you can to come back soon with all of us.Remember this only. my love is all I have to give, without you I don´t think I can live I wish I could give the world to you but love is all I have to give to you.
My best wishes and the biggest hug:
Paula
"A:J MY PRAYER IS FOR YOU. I HOPE YOU GET WELL SOON"
Submitted by ROSIE from CALIFORNIA USA
Date: Tue Jul 17 20:08:56 2001
a.j., i am one of your biggest fans and i want to say you did a great thing addmitting you have a problem.i just know you can get though this.im going to your concert august 18,and i hope to see you there.your doing great,i have faith in you and i just know you can do this.well love you,bye.
get well,and the best of wishes to you.
(All caps detected. Message converted to lowercase)
Submitted by ALDONZA RAMIREZ from GUADALAJARA JALISCO Mexico
Date: Tue Jul 17 20:05:52 2001
my dear alexander james mclean fernandez:i hope you'll get better soon and you can stand by
all yer crazy fans and me for everything ya need.
no matter the worst... in god i trust that you'll
find that peace, love and serenity soon. that's all... be nice, be cool, be real and behave. i'll pray fo ya!!!!!!!!! sincerely yours: aldonza ramirez marquez (mexico). ps: forget my poor but sincered english!!! (All caps detected. Message converted to lowercase)
Submitted by Shawna from PA USA
Date: Tue Jul 17 19:58:26 2001
Hey AJ I am so proud of you!!!!You took the biggest step by admitting you have a problem!Always remember that your fans will support you through everthing.You are such an inspiration to me and the rest of your fans. You showed us its ok to ask for help. You can tell that Nick, Brian, Kevin, and Howie really care about you!They came on trl with the announcement and you could feel the strong bond you guys have. I know that you will help other people with problems. We (the fans) hope you get well soon and come back but we would understand if you need some time. I really respect the fact that you and the rest of the guys didn't try to lie about this. It would have made things alot worse for everyone! I wrote you a letter and I hope that you get to read it! In the letter I talked about the song (I want to be happy)that touched me and some many people. I really hope you release it. It's so beautiful. I just want you to be happy, AJ!!!!!To me you look the happiest on stage. I hope I'm right. When things get tough remember you have the support of your fans, the rest of the guys,your family, and the world!!!!!!I lOVE YOU!!
Submitted by Danielle from Miami Florida USA
Date: Tue Jul 17 19:55:25 2001
AJ, God loves you and so do I. Even though people may think my love for you is worthless at this time, I think it is one more person than you had before to help you through your struggle.Lots and lots and lots and.....oflove,
Danielle P.S. When you guys asked where do we go from here, I said no where but the top:)
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