Boy Band Rules

Back - Index - Submissions - - What is RSS? Date: Sep 15, 2099 Source: Miquie Li Submitted By: I was thinking of how people always label the BSB, 'N Sync, 98*, and 5ive as "manufactured groups of dancers with mics" (or more commonly known as a "boy band") and it's not the name that bothers me, it's the stereotype. So I have to ask: Do you remember the old days of "boy bands"? The days when if you were a member of one of those "teen phenomenoms" you had to abide by "THE RULES"? Let's see if the "boy bands" of today have been good (sarcasm intended)... Rule 1. Hair should be short, well groomed, and "clean cut". (In other words no long hair, messy or weird do's, or unnatural hair colors.) The Perpetrators: Of the Backstreet Boys: AJ-forget it! He hasn't broken this rule. He's smashed, crashed, mutilated, and thrown it off a cliff! He's sported more colors than a rainbow and more styles than Salon Selectives could ever come up with. His band mates are guilty too. Who could forget Kevin's 'Oasis' phase? Or when he had those blonde highlights in the Millennium jacket photos. Or how about the other Kentuckian cutie Brian? If you're a fan from the old days you would know that he has dyed his hair before too. Howie Dorough used to be a good boy with short cropped hair but now dons a ::gasps:: ponytail! And who loved his hair at the VMA's? I know I did! Even baby boy Nicky Carter dyes his hair and sometimes has his longer than regulation length. He even went with the messy look (which I love and wear quite often)! Outlaw ratio: 20/20 Of 'N Sync: None of the N Syncers like the au naturale look. Lance lightens his hair to that platinum blonde. Joey and JC both stick w/ short hair, but are friends with the dye bottle. Joey is a lot more daring though. He's gone from blonde tips to bright red allover. Chris-one word: braids. And here's a couple more words: You gotta love the blonde/red ones! Oh, and let me ask y'all this; Who's seen a white guy with hair as curly as Justin's? Those aren't curls, that's a fro!!!! (I just really want to know if it's natural! 'N Sync fans: e-mail and tell me the truth! Thank you!) And we all know he's not a natural blonde. Outlaw ratio: 20/20 Of 98*: They were all good boys back in the day of "The Invisible Man" but half of them are now saying it's not "The Hardest Thing" to be outlaws. Justin Jeffre went full out platinum blonde (and let me just say it looks good!) Lil' baby Drew Lachey followed along with blonde highlights. Older members Jeff (the damn fine one!!!) and Nick have decided to just stay natural. Oh well, they still look good! Outlaw ratio: 10/20 Of 5ive: Okay, let me just say right now that this rule sucks because the outlaws of 5ive have the best illegal hair. Abs takes "natural" to a whole other level and has inspired me to go with my own messy do. And then there's Scott. I don't care what anybody says, the spikes look cool! Unfortunately he has cut them off. :*( Outlaw ratio: 8/20 Rule 2: No earrings or piercings! The Perpetrators: Of the Backstreet Boys: AJ, Kevin, Howie, and Brian are the only ones who wear earrings. Do you think that that's why Nick is the most popular? I think not! Outlaw ratio: 16/20 Of N Sync: Joey, Justin, and Chris are the only ones who have gone under the piercing needle. C'mon Lance, you have a tattoo, get an earring! And JC c'mon! I know you're afraid of needles, but be a man and face your fear! Outlaw ratio: 12/20 Of 98*: The Lachey bros Nick and Drew sport hoops while Justin goes with the goes-with-everything diamond studs. Outlaw ratio: 15/20 Of 5ive: Abs and Scott are the guys with the outlaw hair so it's natural that they both have earrings and J has an eyebrow ring which I'm seriously loving! Outlaw ratio: 12/20 Rule 3: No tattoos! The Perpetrators: Of the Backstreet Boys: AJ (nuff said!) The bad boy of BSB has 10 tattoos inculding one of a 69. (Which is why he wore that shirt at the VMA's which I loved too! So you damn teenyboppers stop bitchin!!!!) One thing that might suprise some of you that he's not the only one with tattoos. Baptist church boy Brian has one on his right shoulder, but it's of a cross on some rocks. (Church boy even in rebellion.) I guess it's Frick 'n' Frack till the end because Nick has not one, but reportedly two tattoos. The only confirmed one is the one on his arm of a shark (You European fans would know this.) The rumored one is one on his back, but I don't know of what. Outlaw ratio: 12/20 of 'N Sync: All you true fans know that as soon as the group found out that their record had gone platinum, four of the five went out and got matching tattoos of the group's flame symbol. (JC, dude, you need to get over your fear! C'mon! Be a man!) The only other member with another tattoo is Joey who has a Superman symbol on his ankle. (Isn't that carrying obsession too far??? I don't really see myself getting a BSB tattoo!) Outlaw ratio: 16/20 of 98*: All of the members have tattoos except for Justin who is "anti-tattoo". Nick has two on his right arm (one is a sun with 98* degrees in the middle and the other is a tribal armband with an 'L' in the center), and a new red and black one on his back. His little bro Drew has two. He also has an armband like his bro but it's bigger and has another tribal one on his lower back. Jeff beats out the others with four, count 'em, four tattoos! He has one on his chest of Asian characters which I'm sure you all saw it in the "I Do" video. What I wouldn't give to be the Doritos girl right then! He refuses to reveal what the characters mean due to "personal reasons". The others he has is one on his right arm of a 98*, another Asian character on his right shoulder blade and a moon on the left shoulder blade. Outlaw ratio: 15/20 of 5ive: Only one outlaw this time and it's big daddy J Brown. The oldest member has one of "a really muscely blok, dark and sort of sinister; he's got clenched fists with chains in them" which bandmate Scott says suits him since he is "twisted, butch, and angry." Outlaw ratio: 4/20 Rule 4: No facial hair whatsoever. (This seems kind of stupid considering that all of the guys are 18 and over.) The Perpetrators: Of the Backstreet Boys: Despite the name, the BSB are definitely men. Howie and Kevin keep it simple and traditional while AJ does the same thing with his goatee with his clothes and hair: keeps it different and unusual! (And let me just say he looked goofy back in the day without facial hair. That's just my opinion though.) Brian sometimes had a goatee but now is kinda hairless. Nick is the only one who has never had facial hair, but hey, puberty has only recently hit him so we'll just wait! Outlaw ratio: 16/20 Of 'N Sync: Since Chris and Joey are the crazy ones it's kinda natural that they are the only ones with a little fuzz. (Again just like AJ these two looked goofy without the fuzz, especially Joey. I'm sorry, but that's how I feel. I still love you Joey!) Outlaw ratio: 8/20 Of 98*: Since Justin is described by his bandmates as the trendiest it's natural that he's the only one with facial hair. (You gotta love him even though he's not the most buff. Hey, he did get the Doritos girl in the tub scene! That's gotta count for something!) Outlaw ratio: 5/20 Of 5ive: Suprise, suprise! It's big daddy J again! He's certainly going for bad boy status isn't he?? Go J!! Outlaw ratio: 4/20 Rule 5: Absolutely positively no girlfriends! To admit this is career suicide! The Perpetrators: Of Backstreet Boys: "I'll never break your heart, I'll never make you cry..." Well they certainly did break some hearts when they finally told their fans that they did indeed have girlfriends. Were y'all really falling for that "not enough time for a relationship" crap? Let me just say that I started to respect them even more when they started to tell the truth. Outlaw ratio: 16/20 Of 'N Sync: Justin and Britney's relationship when they were in the MMC is common knowledge but ever since she was touring with them as their opening act rumors have been flying left and right that the two have rekindled their interest in each other, but both sides deny it. You know they're lying!!!!! You can't tell me they didn't even mess around or anything because we're talking about Britney and Justin. Two of the best looking young people in the business. But I know I can't count it since I don't have rock solid proof. Damn! Lance has also tore some hearts by confessing being with Boy Meets World star Danielle Fishell. Aww! I think they make such a ::sniff:: cute couple!!!! Excuse me........::wipes away a tear:: They're just so cute! Outlaw ratio: 4/20 Of 98*: The first so called boy band to not be afraid to tell the world about the loves of their lives. To my knowledge all of them are involved except for, guess who? Taa daa! Justin! (Is this a dedication to being the different one????) Outlaw ratio: 15/20 Of 5ive: Okay if you don't know about Ritchie and pop star Billie, then I have to ask: Where have you been??? "....We're all sort of beginning to believe that they were born for each other," says bandmate Scott, "Those two are just really connected.... They're so alike. They're just a really, really sweet, nice couple." Outlaw ratio: 4/20 Rule 6: The ultimate rule: If you are in a boy band, you cannot, will not, shall not be liked by anyone of the male persuasion. (Hey this is the only rule that isn't truly bogus!) The Perpetrators: BSB: Okay, as much as they want to resist and deny, guys know THEY LOVE THEM. I mean c'mon! I actually found out about their American debut cd from my brother, stole it from him, and refused to give it back! He got me back though because when I got Millennium, shortly after he started stealing it and I have to fight him to get it back. His favorite member is actually Kevin. I don't get it either! And look at the rest of the males!!!! Even Jonathan Davis of Korn said that he could jam to "Everybody"! Outlaw ratio on a scale of 1-10: 8 'N Sync: Okay, guys are a lot more hesitant to admit to liking them. They have a younger image that hasn't really appealed to guys, but the males are coming around. A lot of guys that I know say that they like "I Drive Myself Crazy" and "The Music Of My Heart". Outlaw ratio: 5 98*: THEY LOVE THEM!!! Before BSB came out 98* had a hit with "Invisible Man" that caught the attention of not just the girls, but with the guys. Now with the current wedding-appropiate hit, "I Do" the males are thankful for giving them something to sing to their girlfriends/fiances/wives. One more thing: I bet the entire male race is also thankful for getting the Doritos girl in a bikini and naked in a bathtub! Outlaw ratio: 7.5 5ive: Now this completely and totally confuses me. The group known as 5ive admits that their music is and I quote "pure pop", yet there was no hesitation from the males to liking them. Maybe it has to do with the fact that "When The Lights Go Out" is about a certain topic that adolescent males have on the mind 24/7? N*e*ways! Outlaw ratio: 9 Final ratings: BSB: 12 'N Sync: 8 98*: 10.5 5ive: 10.6 Taa daa!! Suprise, suprise! It's our boys who prove that they're not a so called "boy band"!!!!! None of them are!! They're all talented guys who are living out their dreams, and I love everysingle one of them! It's time that people realize that there are no typical "boy bands" in this day and age! The ultimate outlaws: It's a tie for first... AJ McLean~No suprise here! You all knew he was an outlaw when he got down on the stage during "Lay Down Beside Me"! Brian Litrell~Wow! Big shocker! Who would've guessed chior boy Bri is an outlaw?? It's always the "innocent" ones! The Runners-up are: Lance Bass~Like I said, it's always the "innocent" ones! Kevin Richardson: What is it with the country bumpkins being rebels? Chris Kirkpatrick: Let me just say that he's one of the coolest in the group! Joey Fatone: Who doesn't love a flirt? I know I do! Drew Lachey: At least one of the youngest member of the groups is an outlaw! "Well, outlaw man, we salute you!" -Eddie, Empire Records Well that's it. If some of you are thinking, "What the heck was that?" then good! I'll appreciate some feedback! If you want to bitch at me, praise me, or just want to be my friend (I pity those who do!) just write me at miquieli@aol.com -- Miquie Li Comment on this item. 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