AJ Mclean: Why I cheated on my fiancee

Back - Index - Submissions - - What is RSS? Date: Feb 21, 2003 Source: Us Weekly Submitted By: Jennifer For the past 2 hours,AJ Mclean has been talking at his Malibu, California, home about the alcoholism that led him into rehab in 2001. Then, through puffs of cigarette smoke, the Backstreet Boy delves deeper. He has something he wants to get off his chest:He has screwed up. Bad. First, he blew the more than a year of sobreity he had since leaving the Sierra Tucson rehab clinic in Aug. 2001 by popping a few prescription drugs and smoking pot. But thats not all. When aspiring singer Sarah Martin, his fiancee, passes by he runs and grabs her into a bear hug. But the tall beauty remains reserved. As she sits downm she's still wearing her engagement ring on her left hand. Then she confirms it:Their wedding, originally scheduled for Valentine's Day, has been postponned-indefinitely-because Mclean cheated on her. Though the original announcement of the delay was first attributed in the press to "need more time for planning", Mclean 25 and Martin 27-together for 3 years-confess a more agonizing story. Just over a month ago, Mclean left the home they share to do some studio work for the night-and ended up in the arms of a fellow AA Confidante. When he got back a suspicious Martin battered him with questions, then called his AA friend who confessed everything. Now Martin is moving out. And Mclean has been living with his sponsor until he can find the courage to move back into their empty 7,000 sq.ft home. He is weary, contrite. "I chose to go out and have sex with someone else, with no meaning, just to validate myself,That's how insane I am.That's how insane all addicts are." And now he badly wants to get it right. "I love this woman unconditionally," says Mclean. "But I need to work on being on a better man. It has nothing to do with her. I need to work on me. This is God giving me my last chance to get it straight." In 2001, Mclean seemed to have it together when he left rehab telling reporters,"I feel great and I look great." Soon after, he was back on tour with the band. Four months later, he was engaged with Martin, whom he met at a karaoke bar in 2000. And just weeks after that he bought the Malibu home and he and Martin moved in. It was everything counselors-wary of relapses had warned against. They begged him to finish working through his issues ,including depression following the 2001 death of his grandma. Says Mclean:"Now that's all resurfacing." Slipping Up Dragging on a chain of cigarettes, Mclean struggles to explain his addiction. Why him? Why are the other Backstreet Boys-who also have access to the same vices of rock and roll stardom-additicon free? "They had control." says Mclean, a Florida native who began his drinking at 14. "Me? I had a drink every night." Jack Daniels. And sometimes cocaine from a friend. "I didn't even know half the things that were wrong with me mentally-depression-wise, self-esteem issues, not feeling wanted." He began skipping sound checks and arriving late for events; partying left his vocals scratchy. In July 2001, in the middle of the band's Black and Blue Tour, everything came to a head. The guys had agreed to pitch for a Boston Little League Game, Mclean who had partied late, refused to rise in the morning, causing his bandmates to fly into a rage. Mclean shifts in his chair as he remembers: He decided to quit the band, he was so furious. Then, later that morning he broke into sobs. He knew he was out of control. Within hours he was arranging to fly out for rehab. The tour was out on hold, costing the band millions of dollars. "The guys weren't jerks about it or anything," Mclean says, "But there was a lot at stake." So 30 days after his month long stay, he went back on the road with his rehab sponsor on tour with him. Mclean remained sober but "I was already feeling those self-destructive issues. I thought, how can Sarah love me if I can't even love myself? I thought if I put her on lockdown by putting a ring on her finger everything would be OK" On Dec. 17, 2001 in front of Martin's Mom, he popped the question. Other Troubles But then came the $75 million lawsuit the Boys filed in late 2002 against their label, Zomba Records, as well as the email from his mom telling him she wouldn't be attending his nuptials (she has been managing his career and was upset he sought out more professional management). Mclean was devastated. He raided a friend's stash of Vicodin and pot. Though he swears he got right back on the wagon, a few weeks later, he lost control again-this time cheating on his bride-to-be. "I realize that I wanted to get married because I didn't want to be alone, he says but I just couldnt say it. Instead I go out and do something hurtful". Martin is composed but angry "I don't like the man who cheated on me," she says. Still he touches her often - a hug here, a brush there. And she let him. She pledges to support him, even joining Al-Anon, a group for loved ones of alcoholics. But for now they consider themselves "separated". Mclean is simply grateful she's still around. "i'm in love with her," he says. But a lot of work lies ahead. He's sober again (90 days), he is in therapy, he attends weekly AA meetings and he talks everyday with his sponsor. "I figure I got 2 choices. Either I can be the man I want to be, or I can start drinking again and using again and end up dead or in jail. I really don't want option 2." Comment on this item. Recent Comments Submitted by: BSBsavesMe AJ I admire you so much, not only as a musician, but as a person. I can barely handle my own miniscule problems, yet you can deal with things like this on top of being an international superstar. This all really proves how amazing of a person you are. You have such a warm and good heart that is difficult to find in almost anyone in today's society. Everytime I'm having a rough day, I listen to the Backstreet Boys' music and it gets me through. You and all the other guys have mentally and emotionally saved me more than once, and all I'm hoping is that by reading these posts and seeing how much your fans love and care about you, that we can return the favor and help save you, too. Submitted by: BSB fan 4 life If u can got thought the death of ur grandmother you can over anythign that stanes in your way. Submitted by: jessica AJ, I know what you mean about being dead or in jail. I have been a fan since I was six years old. When I was 14 I was introduced to a man that a was a few years older than me. hI didnt know that much about about drugs and alcohol but sadly at almost 20 I do. I snuck out of my room to see the man (not going to say his name) and he was so messed up on colonapine, syriquil, alcohol, pot, crack, cocaine,and more he didmt realize who I was and he beat me. at 15. so I made a choice, I stopped everything,before it was to late. I saw him not to long ago and told him I forgave him and I was not mad at him.and I know the love of your life will keep being there for you. you can change. she knows that. from a loving fan. Submitted by: Ashley (Kiz) Aj, life is hard. We All know it. Some struggle more than others. None of us can say we understand, because we don't. we're not you. But we are there for you. I have been since i was 5 (going on 21 now). you have a strength in you not a lot of people have. you have a beautiful heart and a beautiful soul. That's what makes you you. Thats what defines you. So what, you had some problems... we all do. Yours were just, bad for your heath. All i'm saying is. God Bless You. You have helped me in more ways than one. You have shown me the light in the darkest times and in the darkest places. you helped mold me, into the provider and the care giver i am now. I've said before and i'll say it again. You are a strong person, and you mean everything to me. I love you and keep up all that you do. Let nothing hold you back or keep you down. (huggs) Ashley (kiz) Submitted by: ILIANA A.J it's tough to face what your mistakes are many justify or try to cover them i'm sorry sometimes life hands you the crap of it all but we each make our own & it's nobodys fault but our own it's what u do after your mistakes people are dying left & right over drugs and its sad life was not intended to end @ all much less @the hands of drugs i personally will never understand it like many others my advice as someone who doesn't know you personally but enjoys and respects your talent of a performer and the voice that will stick to me forever is that you get a grip it's that simple remember those loved ones that would love to see you succeed not for fame or glory but for happiness. Always a fan keep your head up!!! Be happy Submitted by: Heather I understand completely what u are going thru, I too am somebody that let alcohol and drugs take over my life, but unlike u, I don't have strength to help myself, or do anything about it, I look up to u becuz u took control and got help. I wish I had that power,but keep doing what ur doing. I have faith in u... Submitted by: sammantha hey....i know its hard....i mean whatever you've been thru was hard but ...whats done is done....u cant change the past but u can definitely make a difference in the future but....remember whatever happens in your life happens for a reason.....and its always for the better......... Submitted by: Kat AJ I know what your going through, its tough to love yourself when so many choices around you say your not worthy. It's easier to believe lies sometimes and take what they give you, you get numb, feel better and continue punishing yourself. I have been a passionate fan since I was 14, I'm 23 now. Still wear your shirts and have a box of memories under my bed I will never part with. I am proud to be a part of you guys and if you had any doubts, we all take it personal. Peace and love brother AJ - Kat Submitted by: daya the other guys were so sweet.they stood by him n still do.sure they wud have gotton angry but brothers get angry at each other n they are a band of brothers.hes lucky 2 have them.i love u aj n all ur brothers as well.im so glad ur sober Submitted by: leena-marie everything that aj has been through i think he is still sexy its a real shame that his grandma died. the only reason he is drinking and messing himself up is because he was really close to his grandma and he is depressed so no-one can blame him i'm still a big fan of aj and i always will be. if you're reading this aj u do what u thinks right 4 u and dont let others get to ya. love u loads!!!! Click here to see more comments. Comment on this item. 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