Dear Brian

Back - Index - Submissions - - What is RSS? Date: Jun 05, 2000 Source: Submitted By: B Monday May 29th, 2000. Dear Brian My aunt died today.. My dad’s older sister died today, loosing the battle of one of the most complicated forms for cancer, lung cancer... Around 9am this morning, she gave away her last breath, only a relieved sigh came out of her mouth before she left this world in exchange for eternal peace.. I wasn’t notified before I got home... Mum didn’t feel that she should call me at school to tell me something like this.. I’m glad she didn’t... After coming home with an A- on my English test, and a B on my test exam, I felt overjoyed. First thing my mum said as she greeted me in the drive way, was the few words I didn’t want to hear, ever! “Your aunt died today,” I was speechless, I didn’t have any answer to respond with.. All I did, was scuffling in to the house, dropping my school bag in the hall, my exam papers thrown on the living room table.. Then it all came to me, the horrible feeling inside my stomach, like I wanted to curl up and hide. Tears came prickling down my cheeks.. Mum explained to me what had happened, and then told me where dad was.. He had gone of straight to his mothers house.. She hadn’t handled the fact that my aunt was sick in the first place, she just denied it and brushed it off, she didn’t take it seriously. You should think you could respond to that with anger, but to come to think of it, that was my grandma’s way of handling it, by brushing it off like that. Dad figured that she would need some comfort, and deep inside, I believe he needed it as well... My reaction wasn’t so un-expected.. I went to my room, closing the door, my curtains withdrawn.. When it comes to death, I handle it best by going off to myself, dealing with my emotions on my own.. As I curled up into a ball under my duvet, the music streamed out of my stereo. I’ve always found comfort in music, and here’s where you came into the picture, with a soft, meaningful voice, the first words filled me: “So many words, for the broken heart It’s hard to see, in a crimson love so hard to breath, walk with me and maybe..” Then my body couldn’t hold it in anymore, tears came flowing down my eyes, choking out a sob or two as I laid there. I realized that I didn’t have a close relationship to my ,now lost, aunt, and that suffocated me right then. Show Me The Meaning played over and over as I had put it on repeat, and at that exact moment, that song finally made sense to me... The words stuck to my brain, and I couldn’t stop shaking as the next sentence came flowing out of the speakers. One for one, word after word I realized how much it hurt, how empty I felt inside. It was like someone stepped on my chest, I couldn’t take a deep breath, just little gulps of air... I fell asleep rather quickly, tears running down my cheeks as the song kept on playing.. I was later explained what happened to my aunt.. Dad came to see me when he came back home, I think he saw how hard I took it even though I didn’t have a real close relationship to her. He had lost a very dear sister, so he was capable to tell me how he felt and that the pain was similar, I wasn’t alone about this.. Still, it felt a little strange. “I’ve been growing up with your aunt, I remember when she used to run around with a bow in her hair,” he said, that’s when he drifted off, probably remembering. My aunt was the only one on my dad’s side who didn’t smoke nor drink. (My family are not alcoholics, she just stayed away from it at ALL occasions) She used to take long jogging trips everyday, she was the answer to a healthy person to put it that way. When they discovered she had lung cancer for about one and a half years ago, she found it a little ironic herself. “Huh, maybe I should have started smoking after all,” she said kind of bitter. Who could blame her? No one in the family understood where it came from, how could it happen to her? When I learned how serious it was, I prayed, another good quality you thought me.. The last month of her hospital stay, she had been given morphine, she was in such pain that they had to use this drug to keep her as comfortable as possible. They couldn’t establish any contact with her this last weekend, she was completely dozed off. And, this morning, when her husband held her hand, she died, just like that, no pain. When she was younger, she used to take long walks around her small town that she lived in. One day, hell broke loose as the atom power plant in Tsjernobyl exploded. No one knew about the rain when it came pouring down in our city. There were two places that was mostly affected by this rain, our area, and another place further away. That day, when the rain came pouring down, my aunt was out walking.. When she returned, she was soaked to the skin.. No one was notified about this rain, before it was too late.. Because of this rain, we believe now that this is what caused her cancer. The radioactivity waste that the rain carried with it, came into her body. The body breaths, as you know, so it entered her body, her blood system. She was a Tsjernobyl victim. Now, I’m writing this words to you, because I feel that every time I pour out my feelings in a letter, it’s easier to go on with my life. Your song, Show Me The Meaning, suddenly makes more sense. I can hear, almost touch, the pain in the song, and it’s helping me out. I’m not alone in the world to suffer, and I am not alone with handling the pain. My best friend K, my parents, my cousin CC and the voice of you guys... It won’t be easy, I know, but it’s a start.. Thank you so much, thank you for your words. God bless, and keep on helping scarred souls, liked you and the rest of the guys is helping mine. Sincerely Elisabeth 'B' Norway Comment on this item. Recent Comments Submitted by: cheryl hi backstreetboys my name is cheryl i liven bricktownship Comment on this item. Next Item: Happy sounds Prev Item: Where the boy bands are